How to De-Escalate Arguments in Relationships?

Even couples in the healthiest of relationships get into arguments sometimes; that’s only natural when two people who care about each other spend a lot of time together. Even though it’s completely normal to disagree every now and again, it’s important to de-escalate arguments to ensure tiny disagreements don’t snowball into larger issues.

When Arguments Escalate

When arguments escalate, and de-escalation is no longer a viable option, it’s important to seek an experienced domestic violence lawyer in Tucson that understands what you are going through and can help.

The legal term “domestic violence” refers to disputes that go beyond a disagreement or petty argument. Instead, domestic violence refers to an act of violence or abuse such as:

• Assault
• Battery
• Disorderly Conduct
• Harassment
• Unwanted Sexual Or Physical Contact
• Stalking
• Other Criminal Charges

Step Away From the Situation

One of the best ways to de-escalate an argument is to physically and emotionally step away from the situation. This is not to be confused with avoiding the other person, ignoring them, ghosting them, or stonewalling them. Instead, communicate with your partner that you need time to clear your head, gather your thoughts, and then come back to the disagreement with fresh eyes.

Rather than shutting the other person out, clearly stating that you just need time to step away can be a healthy way to de-escalate an argument. One way to do this is to just go to another room. In fact, changing the space you are in can end an emotional loop many people get stuck in when struggling with an argument or disagreement, especially with people they care about, like their partner.

Take a Few Deep Breaths

If you’re struggling to get away from a heated situation, try taking a few deep breaths first. Count to ten to give yourself a few moments just to collect yourself.

Typically, this will allow you to think more clearly. Other ways to regulate your nervous system can also help in situations like these.

Hear Your Partner Out and Be Open Minded

Yes, it may seem cliche, but it can help! Take the time to understand where your partner is coming from. When two people are arguing, it can be easy to only hear negative buzzwords and then respond inappropriately.

However, this is how arguments can escalate. Instead, try tactics like active listening – rather than focusing on formulating your own thoughts and responses, look your partner in the eye and make an attempt to hear them out.

Clarify if you understand your partner’s point of view. By indicating that you understand their point of view, you can work through any misunderstandings and try to get on the same page together.

By attempting to see others’ points of view, you can encourage a form of de-escalation not necessarily based on changing the others’ opinion but instead conveying that you are trying to understand where your partner is coming from, therefore turning down the tension.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Another way to do this is to use “I” instead of “You” when expressing yourself, due to the accusatory feeling “You” creates. By using the word “You,” you may unintentionally paint the blame on your partner.

Working together as a team to solve the issue is ideal. You are both entitled to your opinions, and your feelings are valid. Let your partner’s viewpoint be laid out.

Rather than saying something like, “You make me feel…,” try statements that allow you to take ownership of your feelings: “I feel like…” will help the two of you analyze the root of those feelings and dissect the cause and effect together.

Change the Tone

Changing the tone of an argument can also help de-escalate it, diffusing the tension in the room. When a fight begins to escalate, switch to a calmer tone to remain in a safer space.

When arguments escalate and tones shift, you might say something you don’t mean out of anger. Interjecting with a joke or caring sentiment can act as damage control.

Never yell or scream – as soon as you or your partner raises your voice, emotion has gotten the better of you. Instead, try to remain calm and logical.

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